I dropped a bomb in the newsroom
And when it went off, people were angry.
But not at me.
They were angry on my behalf. Angry at my attacker. Angry at my assault. Angry at him.
Which is as it should be. But things have never been as they should be in my life.
No one has ever gotten angry for me.
When my co-workers were coming up to me, clenching and shaking their fists, they didn’t say ‘sorry.’ They said it made them angry. Said it filled them with rage. And some of them said nothing at all, and instead sat with clenched fists, trying to calm themselves.
It was touching. It was empowering. And it was strange.
Strange because I had never experienced this outside of my support group. Those women, they have to care. You can’t sit every week with someone baring their soul and not care about them. When they shake and yell out in anger, it is part of their healing, too. They are yelling not only for me and what has been done to me, but for themselves and what has and still is being done to them.
I know what to do in group. Commiserate. Say, ‘I know’ and ‘Thank you.’ Sit with them and their feelings, whatever they are. Accept them. Practice non-judgement and staying present. They will continue to deal with their anger on their own time. It’s part of their healing journey. They know what to do with it.
My co-workers? My family? My friends? They don’t.
And I don’t know what to tell them.
I can deal with my anger, just barely. It is a new and long-suppressed emotion. But I know what to do with it. I yell. I throw things. I run. I kick. I box. And I write.
So I’m writing. And so are you, readers and friends. If you care to. You are going to help me write — and I am going to help you get angry.
I’m working on a new poem. It’s called “500 Fuck You’s.” And it’s pretty self-explanatory. It’s me saying “Fuck you” to those who have hurt me or not protected me. Saying “Fuck you” for this, this, and this. Calling them out specifically for their dangerous or neglectful behavior. Saying “Fuck you” to societal forces that allow these behaviors to proliferate.
I had the idea to gather some of these from my friends, co-workers, readers and loved ones, to express their anger as well as mine. I’m offering you the opportunity to contribute your voices and anger. It can be about my situation. It can be about abuse that you or a loved one endured. It can be about a society that silences and shames survivors. A society that devalues women and children. About Bill Cosby, Jerry Sandusky, Woody Allen, Roman Polanksi, or the hundreds of others. Whatever. As long as it’s angry.
To guide you a little bit, here are examples I’ve written/gathered so far:
“Fuck you for hurting my friend ”
“Fuck you for not believing her”
“Fuck you bad egg”
“Fuck you he said, fuck you she said”
You get the idea. If you want to contribute, you can comment below, email me, text or call me. I’ll compile them and integrate them into the poem, which I will publish here.
So thank you, in advance. Get angry, and then get writing.
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“Sl-shadow” by Pascual De Ruvo Statue of Liberty ThisIsWhyICheat.com
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.